were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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