my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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