you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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