Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
