it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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