so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
