No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
