You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
YAS. BRING CRAB.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
