it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
