i don't like sucking hair
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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