i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
