I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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