I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
