I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
