It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
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