I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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