I think my vagina is haunted
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
