If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
