got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
