Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize