i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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