jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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