I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
