This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Just pee around me
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
we're so committed to being not committed
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