Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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