i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
