apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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