i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
