was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
