you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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