I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
