i already hear my dad disowning me
everyone is single if you try hard enough
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
