then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
