I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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