She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
