Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
