It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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