Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
