Porn is love you can see.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
he just fucked me for my cheese..
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
