i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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