That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
