Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
