I'm drive I can fine osifer
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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