I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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