he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
