Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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