I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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