I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
