Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
