She said her name was "party"
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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