ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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