Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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