My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
