the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
