He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
How does it feel to date your dad?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
