I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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