he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
