before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
