I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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