There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
She needs sedatives and a leash
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
