oh god the rape fog is back!
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
