I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
