I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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