what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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