It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
