a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
