I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
