If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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