That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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